Thursday, August 16, 2007

Rumor Control: Fearful Twinks and Jailhouse 3-ways

When you write a blog like this one, you get emails. Boy, do you get lots of emails.

Some of them tell you what a wonderfully incisive mind you have. Others let you know just what brand of idiot you are. It’s a little distressing when there are more of the latter— and they’re better-composed.

But there’s another kind message, too. They're the information-over-the-transom missives... emails full of ‘news’ that may or may not be true, that no one can verify, but is titillating as all hell. With abundant apologies to Thoreau, it seems that some readers lead lives of quiet, desperate speculation. Some less quiet than others.

Here's what we've been hearing:

Claim: Sean Lockhart will not testify in Luzerne county because he has an irrational fear of the place, born from the horrors inflicted upon him there. He’d rather go to jail for contempt than set foot in the Wyoming Valley.

Status: Undetermined. While it wouldn’t be completely crazy for Lockhart to be a little skittish about the place, one would imagine he’d be more skittish about a contempt citation.

Claim: Harlow and Joe have already found a buyer for their house.

Status: Undetermined. But by now, who cares? Can someone sharpen a stake to properly dispatch the damned house story? If we ever have to puzzle over land records again, it will be too soon. Sell it, don't sell it, raze it to the ground, who cares?

Claim: Joe and Harlow are making plans to be able to talk to one another by calling a third party who’s secretly set up a conference call (AKA 3-way calling.)

Status: Undetermined. The reputed plan is technically possible, according to the nice lady who answers phones for Verizon Call Services. But, since inmate calls are monitored, one has to ask what they’d hope to communicate? Maybe just to say, “I miss you.” Or, more probably: “Quit digging our graves with that blog of yours, smart guy.”

Claim: Some guys started a rumor that the Cobra master tapes weren’t destroyed, after all. But it was all a total lie... the ‘destroyed’ part was a lie, I mean.

Status: Undetermined (and stupid). This one doesn’t even come with a reason either attached, or implicit. It’s a rumor about a rumor, which brings us to the ever-popular...

Claim: I really know something that you don’t know—something that nobody else knows—but I cant tell what it is... well, not yet, because I’m just too close to this, and the Big Boys wouldn’t like it. Let me tell you, though, this is real inside, explosive stuff and it will all come out into the open soon. You'll see! And, dude, you’re going to be shocked, because it’s gonna turn this whole story on its head. I swear.

Status: Typical.

-Both PC and KM contributed to this story.